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The Private Files of Richard Sprague
This damnable island chain is home to thirty million people, and every one of them is trying to get the edge on the rest! Good. Without competition we'd be soft. Soft like marshmallows. Or pillows. OR YOU, YOU SNIVELING INFANT.

Well, it's time to toughen up. Cult activity is on the rise, we just ousted a vampire from the Steward's office, and playtime is officially over. This is Secret Cleric-Colonel "Richard Sprague" with the Office of Exorcism and Forbidden Knowledge, and I'm here to tell you that your best isn't good enough. In fact, it's a joke! We're all laughing about it in our sealed bunker under the capital. But damn it if you aren't the best we've got, so you're just going to have to pound back a couple of slugs of bourbon and get out there into the mess.

Wait. Who let you in here? This is classified information!

You can't hold me to any of this!

The Sealed Archive of Saint Elizabeth, Our Lady of Secret Libraries
These files were recovered by better men than you from places that would make your dear sweet departed mother shit herself inside out! It goes without saying that they're so top-secret even I haven't read them, and that goes double for you, candy-ass!

Nevertheless, you're going to need to know some of these unknowable secrets if you're going to beat our unbeatable enemies! I'm temporarily declassifying some of the most crucial information we've got, so make the most of it you beautiful sons of bitches!

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